Like a drunk person crashing at your house, a baby may:

1. Need to be carried inside

2. Paw at your breasts, with or without other people present

3. Insist on telling long, incomprehensible stories

4. Cry

5. Eat all your applesauce

6. Lurch around in an uncoordinated fashion, grabbing at your furniture for balance

7. Fall

8. Break things

9. Cry more

10. Leave you to clean up the mess

11. Pass out at inopportune moments

12. Drool heavily

13. Vomit in your bed

14. Show no signs of remembering the previous night

15. Demand your attention and then forget why

16. Be easily distracted

17. Grab your cellphone out of your hand

18. Urinate on himself

and, of course

19. Sit on your lap, look deeply into your eyes, and then fart